Lori Crittenden, age 10, of Santa Clara, Calif., for her question:

Is love inherited or gained?

Actually, it is both. In a way, we inherit the first helping from our parents and from those who are kind to us during the helpless period of babyhood. We gain later helpings as we grow older  and these we earn for ourselves. For example, when you honestly give your love to a little baby, he is very happy to take it and give you some in return. Later in life, this early lesson teaches a person that the sensible kind of lave is a sharing, with give and take on both sides.

This topic is important because it can make a person's whole life happy or miserable. Some people seem to have more love than others. These lucky ones tend to smile often and have pleasant lives filled with lots of friends. On the other hand there are grouchy characters, always mean and ready to start fights. They complain that nobody loves them, which they claim is downright unfair.

Psychologists who study human nature tell us that, yes, indeed, this maybe unfair. They say that the whole thing starts in babyhood before the small person has a chance to figure things out. Certainly, every baby is born knowing how to love. Lend him your finger and see how his little fist hugs it with loving trust. This early secret is simple give and take. If you honestly love a baby, the baby loves you.

You might say that this early love is an inherited gift. If every baby were given love plus a chance to love in return, the world would be full of happy people. But in the human family, sad to say, things often go wrong.

 Sometimes nobody takes the trouble to love a baby. So he grows up with the notion that love is not for him  and misses the chance to gain it by earning it for himself.

Sometimes a baby is showered with love  but gets no chance to give any in return. This spoiled child grows up with the one sided notion that love is all taking and no giving. Chances are, this unlucky person fails to gain anything worth having in his whole life.

Truly, the whole thing does seem unfair and quite sad. But do not despair for things are not hopeless. Far from it. Anybody can learn the secret at any age. Remember that grumpy old Scrooge learned when he was a very old man. And when he learned to show loving kindness, the Cratchits were more than happy to welcome him as a dear family friend. True, that is merely a story, but such things really happen.

One good place to watch the magic happen is in the world of animals. For example, birds are devoted parents who toil hard and happily to feed and educate their chicks. The baby birds sense the gentle kindness and never forget this inherited love. Later they too become adult parents. And naturally they hand the sensible secret on to their own baby chicks.

This is one reason why old Andy thinks that every human child should adopt an animal pet. When he or she loves and cuddles a puppy, the puppy loves and cuddles right back. So does a furry kitten. This is a very nice way to learn the first important secret  that the sensible kind of love is sharing, with give and take on both sides.